At the European Gestalt Conference in Madrid on “Gestalt Therapy, an engine of change” we attended lectures and worked with everything that is happening around us; New social relations result in new pathologies and changes in our internal and external structure that must be addressed.

In one of the presentations I attended, I met Inna Didkovska, gestalt psychotherapist and director of Kyiv Gestalt University. Her presentation: “When the familiar collapses: living and practicing the profession of psychotherapy in wartime” was the reason I asked her to have a discussion about how she experienced and still experiences war, the ways she supported herself, her immediate family as well as her students and her clients. A couple of months after the war she found refuge in Haifa where she built her home literally from scratch.

We met online on October 20 -the 604 day of war- when she was in Poland.  Our conversation also took place in the context of the Hamas attack on Israel on October 7. 
We talked for a long time, promising to meet again to carry on with our conversation.

I have chosen to focus and transcribe the answers of the following three questions:

1. In the Gestalt Conference in Madrid you spoke about “zero position not neutrality”. Can you elaborate what this phrase means and how can we practice this state of being when we are in crisis?

This idea comes from my thinking about Friedländer (The Fertile Void, Creative Indifference & Gestalt Psychotherapy), as well as following a seminar conducted by Daan Van Baalen. The essence of my point revolves around the term “indifference,” as opposed to neutrality. In our societal context, indifference can be equated to the zero position. To me, indifference is more like a meta position, where you step outside a situation, look from above, and try to detach from emotional involvement. It’s more close to Eastern philosophy, you know, Buddhism for example. It’s fascinating to explore this in the context of what happened in Tibet, where all these spiritual people sadly gave up, letting China take over.

After the war began, I became a person with a pretty clear position. I mean a position established before perception, possibly even before personality function. When observing conflicts like the one between Palestinians and Israelis, I can analyze it, but it’s painful. Witnessing suffering, anger, aggression, and deep pain from both sides creates a mix of intense emotions. 

My standpoint, my position is clear to me. However, it doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with the pain of Palestinians, especially civilians. I also sense hatred from HAMAS. In the Ukrainian-Russian conflict, I feel the pain from Ukrainians and harbor a lot of hatred towards Russians. Towards everything Russian, as if everything Russian is bad — the language, all of them, their past and present actions are perceived as negative. I experience complex emotional mix, including fear and pain.

There’s immense pain in Ukraine — widows and mothers grieving for their lost children. The anger is enormously huge; for instance, you might hear someone say, “My husband isn’t at war, and yet, hers was killed in the war.” I share this example not only to highlight the pain and anger but also to emphasize the inherent split in such narratives. Stepping back from preconceptions and individual perspectives, one can simply sense the pain and fear on both sides. I recognize that many Russians are currently living in fear — afraid of imprisonment, death, and the potential destruction of Russia,  similar to what happened in Germany after World War II. Some harbor intense hatred, viewing Ukrainians as Nazis. And by staying in the zero position, I aim to observe these events phenomenologically.

Regarding the war. In Ukrainian language, we refer to men on the war front as being “at zero,” indicating they’re right on the brink where the conflict unfolds. This war-influenced terminology resonates with the concept of the zero position we discuss and strive to maintain as psychotherapists. On the front, survival requires attention and stillness to observe the situation. If you’re a soldier “at zero”, you can’t afford to be emotionally splitted. After all, it increases the risk of being injured and killed. While an indifferent attentive presence, “the zero position”, increases the chances to survive.

Going back to the terms of Gestalt theory, you can realize what happens when “id swallows you”. Staying in a state of hatred causes our emotions to escalate and overwhelm us. This intensity is good in a fierce struggle. Engaging in a fight is good; it generates a strong affect. However, it’s crucial to balance emotional affect with awareness and to scan the field. If you are consumed by these emotions (“swallowed by the id”), your perception becomes closed off.

Choosing to split is much less painful. When you asked if we can stay in the zero position during a crisis, honestly, I would prefer that. But being present and staying in the zero position during the wartime is challenging. It requires a heightened level of awareness. Many people tend to split because it’s simpler, especially when you witness all the pain we witness now. In a wartime, for safety, people often feel the need to choose and say, “This is mine, they are enemies, I will stand, we will unite and fight. Together we will win”. And this splitting is very helpful. 

For example for Ukrainians this powerful hatred it’s important just to fight back. Otherwise, if you don’t have it inside, you can’t shoot a human. Soldiers need this power of hateness just to survive. When I talk with people in Ukraine, especially with soldiers and professionals who work with soldiers, because I am also a supervisor, I find out that they often shut down their sensitivity. Soldiers can’t shoot when they realize that the human in front of them is someone’s child, husband and parent. It’s a human with dreams, feelings, pain, and you can’t shoot him.

2. Can I ask you how your loved ones and family are doing? And how are you taking care of yourself during this difficult time?

It’s difficult to discuss that because my emotions arise. It was an extremely difficult moment for me, perhaps the most challenging in my life, when the war in Ukraine erupted. I was in India, seeking solace after enduring nine years of constant losses. I lost my boyfriend in a motorcycle accident, I also lost my father, mother, and the therapist I had worked with for 30 years, who succumbed to cancer.

Dealing with this series of losses left me profoundly shaken. The war in Ukraine was the final blow. At the time Kyiv was surrounded by Russian forces, my son stayed in the city. Lots of people predicted that Kyev would be taken in the next few days.

Before the war, my life was pretty balanced. You know, I was successful and recognized as a professional, had an apartment, a good car, a lot of friends, and headed big Gestalt University. And suddenly, just in a moment, I found myself in a situation where I had nothing, absolutely nothing. I didn’t even know if I would see my son again. He is my only family. However, as I shared during my workshop, after about two weeks of feeling crushed, we decided to start working through it.

You asked about my self-care, and I want to say that I keep on therapy. I have regular Gestalt therapy sessions, and concurrently, I work with a therapist specializing in trauma, including epigenetic trauma triggers. Beyond therapy and supervision, I’ve been fortunate to have the support of friends and colleagues throughout this challenging time.

In the initial three months of war, I felt the weight of the entire Institute management on my shoulders as everyone was in shock. Many people left the country, some were deeply traumatized. I have a friend whose house was taken by the Russians, turning it into a military station. When she reclaimed it, the damage was extensive. Numerous people are coping with severe trauma. I appreciate Israel for providing me with a shelter, allowing me to have a relatively stable place to settle in. 

But what is crucially important, the people in Israel understand the impact of war, which has been invaluable to me.

Over the course of about six months, there were periods when things improved very slowly. The productivity was 10 times below the normal level, then reduced to five times less. Unfortunately, with the onset of the war in Israel, both my son and I lost productivity once again. I firmly believe that therapy and Gestalt therapy play a crucial role in self-care. 

Additionally, the support of community, connections, and close relationships has made a significant difference. Gestalt is increasingly emphasizing the importance of these relationships in self-care.

Relationships are the most important part of self-care and I am pleased to see that Gestalt professionals are increasingly emphasizing the importance of relationships in self-care. 

3. You are the director of Kyiv Gestalt University. How did you manage to be grounded while working with individuals and communities experiencing the same ongoing trauma? 

It was the most challenging task for my colleagues and me. When we met on March 22, we were shocked. The first thing we did was canceling all the educational groups. We started to conduct supporting groups for all University’s students instead. This proved to be a good support mechanism for everyone, as it brought us together in solidarity. I could describe us as a herd of zebras, trembling and shaking together after a lion’s attack. So, together, we shook off the impact. Given the scale of Kyiv Gestalt University, with around 1500 students, a significant number of whom are practicing psychotherapists already, this support was crucial. It grounded us amid the challenges.

Then, I reached out to Jay Levine, gestalt therapist from the United States, and he facilitated a support group for our team. We met weekly for three months, aiming to ground ourselves and just to talk about our feelings. At that point, all my finances were tied up in Kyiv with no access. To sustain the University and support my staff, I used my personal funds, paying salaries. Then I decided to relocate to Israel. It provided a stable environment, allowed me to open a bank account and gave me a chance to become a citizen. All these choices helped me continue my cooperation with Ukrainians and manage all the Gestalt University processes.

I’d like to highlight Poland, Ukraine’s closest neighbor, for its significant help at the onset of the war. This country faced an enormous flow of Ukrainian women with children passing through Poland, having no other ways to safety (especially when the airport was closed and remains so). The Poles helped us during that hard time and are helping us now. 

Last summer I went on a grand tour around Europe, reaching friends and fellow Gestalt practitioners, including Daan Van Baalen in Norway, Margherita Spagnuolo Lobb in Italy, and Jan Rubal in the Czech Republic. This journey also worked as a grounding for me. 

Now, I’m going to visit Ukraine. I still seek the meaning behind why war seems to follow me, but I hope for something positive. Your request felt like a sign for me. It’s important for people to hear about my experience if it can be helpful. I consider myself a very happy person, yet I’ve faced numerous traumatic events. This war trauma… It has played a significant role in shaping me into a very skilled psychotherapist.

I want to share what’s on my mind. I think a lot about the meaning of things because it’s crucial to me. I wonder, why is all this happening? What’s the purpose of all this suffering, especially for the children who endured and then died? I’m trying to understand humankind. It’s tough to see people unable to live peacefully. Large part of my family was shot by the Germans in March 1942, and then there was a Bucha massacre in March 2022. In my native town. 80 years later. And at the same time, you and I continue to believe that we live in a world of educated and civilized people.

We have to raise the issue of responsibility not only for our own lives, but also for the lives of all civilized humanity. In my opinion, humankind stands on the edge. Sometimes, looking at what is happening in the world, I feel numb and dumb. I’m so traumatized I can’t find the words. I need someone to ask me about my condition, my view, my affairs – and then the answer can be born. Even my students text me “Inna, can you say something? Can you comment on the situation?” But there are moments when I’m really speechless. When you experience so much loss, especially losing loved ones, you become speechless.

That is why I am grateful to you for your interest, your questions and your wish to carry my story, the story of Ukrainians, further into the world.

Thank you Inna. I was really moved by the way you talked in the conference.

published in Athens Voice